Man, I get so frustrated with raiding sometimes.
There are good nights, last week we had our “triumphant” first kill of Putricide. I say “triumphant” in quotes because we’d have killed him long ago if people would stop thinking about farming badges and start thinking about killing bosses.
But then this week, we wiped on Dreamwalker three times before moving on to one shot Fester and Rot. I mean, wtf?
I guess at this point, I can only just shake my head and curse under my breath. I’m having a deep sort of burnout right now, which makes me kind of resent my guild and everything about it. I’ve been running with Zimzi, because we’re not making any progress right now, and we’re not trying hard enough to make it worthwhile to bring Myrhani when she needs literally no gear and Zim needs everything. It’s hard to stomach the idea of playing a character you’ve totally lost interest in, especially when there’s no realistic prospect of progressing that character (Myr hasn’t had an upgrade in months). It’s doubly frustrating when you’re being asked to bring that character specifically because she’s overgeared, which inspires a whole host of thoughts about how I’m compensating for the low gear/skill/commitment/attendance of others. Oh yeah, and also a pleasant thought surfaces about whether it’s a strategic move to include one or two people who won’t compete for gear with the loot-hounds who think about nothing else. I don’t really think my guildies are doing this on purpose, but I’ve been raiding the same 4-6 bosses twice a week for nearly a year now – with the same character in the same role and with near perfect attendance. It’s hard not to feel angry with the people who are forcing me to keep doing it, even when it’s decidedly not beneficial for me anymore.
And then there’s the guild’s stance on raid lockouts. Apparently, we need the emblems still, so we can’t extend the raid lockout or we’d miss out on our weekly 8 emblems from the first wing. With the majority of the guild’s raiders being utterly geared to the teeth, it’s hard for me to think we need the frost emblems so bad we have to sacrifice progression to get them. We only raid 10 mans, after all. We don’t need full 264 to do the freaking Blood Wing. Again, I can’t help but think that someone who controls our raid itinerary is farming a lot of primordial saronites for a personal project.
So Myr is literally drowning in frost emblems she doesn’t need, to the point where I spent three saronites worth of them and traded it to someone for an ilvl200 trinket that was an upgrade for Zimzi.
Just to continue griping, our guild raid nights have been Thursday and Monday 9pm (local) to about midnight. Well it turns out this semester, I have an unavoidable scheduling conflict… namely a night class that starts at 8pm on Monday nights and doesn’t end until 10. On Thursdays I start at 9am and go straight through until 8pm, which means I leave my house before 7am and don’t get home until 9pm. After that day the last, and I do mean the very last, thing on earth I want to do is be hustled online to raid for three hours before I’m allowed to go to bed. Maybe some people have the kind of enthusiasm and fortitude it takes to do that once a week, but after Thursdays, I just want to sleep all day Friday.
Well, I’m apparently so pivotal to the raid group that they’ve rescheduled the Monday night raid for Wednesdays. Fine, good. I can make Wednesday, I might even enjoy raiding on Wednesdays. But they’ve still got the second raid scheduled for Thursday nights, and have pushed it back a half hour so I can make it.
I like feeling needed, I like the idea that my spot is safe as the guild’s primary consistent healer. I hate the fact that I’ve said and said and said I can’t do Thursdays, and they’re still looking for a way to make me do Thursdays. I don’t care if they move the raid to 6AM before I leave for school, I have a THIRTEEN hour school day (with commute time included) and I don’t want to raid that night! I’ve said pug the spot if you can, I don’t mind. I’ve said I don’t think Thursday works for me. I’ve said it louder and more forcefully that Thursday does not work. I’ve said it in Mumble, I’ve said it in guild chat. I’ve said it to Naelian in person. I don’t know how much more I can say, I don’t like being bludgeoned with guilt. I care that the guild can’t raid without me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to raid on Thursdays and be happy about it!
Especially if we’re just going to endlessly farm the first wing for badges I don’t want, and go back to failing on Dreamwalker.
Also, I wish we had a blog category for “long, angry, suppressed rants.” I would put this post in that category.